Forgotten

Can You hear me??

                               Have You forgotten about me?

                                                                                         Are You here with me?

I feel forgotten and… a l o n e. 

Ever have those questions and/or thoughts running through your head? I know I have, more times than I would like to admit. Currently, I've been reading through the book of Psalm, one of my favorites, and throughout the two months that I have been in this book, I have realized just how much I can relate to the writers of Psalm. 

Today I was reading in Psalm 77 and was encouraged by it as the author, Asaph, was describing EXACTLY how I have felt over the past several years. Asaph is distressed over God's people and is praying for God to manifest His mighty power to save His people again as He did in Exodus. 

"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted." -Ps. 77:1-2

I feel that lately I have been right there where Asaph was. I cry out to God in distress, beginning to wonder if He is even listening to me after so many nights of the same prayers, the same pain, and the same fears; yet my soul doesn't find relief. The fear starts to creep in that the Lord has left me because not even praising Him and crying out to Him is providing satisfaction.

"Will the Lord reject forever? Will He never show His favor again? Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has He in anger withheld His compassion?" -Ps. 77:7-9

Can't you just hear his despair? The fear that God has abandoned him just seeps out of this passage. It's a feeling of hopelessness that overwhelms and I know exactly how he feels.

As I read this passage this morning, I felt as if God was reminding me of the most important thing. You see, lately I have felt scared. Fearful of the future, fearful of rejection, fearful of failure. I didn't realize how much this fear was paralyzing me until I was having to face it head on. I think somewhere over the years I decided to stay still. If I stayed still, I wouldn't have to face rejection and disappointment. It was as if I decided to run on a treadmill forever rather than run in the beauty of the outdoors. I accepted mediocre in order to prevent letdown. Now that I have realized how fear was holding me back, I have tried to make an active step towards it and battle it through a russian roulette type game, but I didn't realize how scary it was going to be. I didn't realize that I could face the fact that failure may defeat me.

Who are you kidding? Yourself…

You are not worthy of anything good…

You are a failure, accept it! 

OK, I accept it. Who am I kidding?? I've never gotten the things in life that I really wanted or desired, what makes me think it's going to change now. LIES!!!

That is the voice of the enemy, the father of lies! Yesterday these thoughts were speaking so loud to me and I was starting to believe it once again. I found myself getting angry at God.

"Lord??? Why aren't You listening to me anymore?? I keep trying and You just keep pushing. I can't do this anymore. Is this whole thing one big joke? Do you exist? I WANT to hear You, but I don't…"

What am I suppose to do?? Now what??

Thankfully, Psalm 77 doesn't just stop at verse 9. As I continued to read on this morning, I came across this…

"I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all Your works and consider all Your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; You display Your power among the peoples. With Your mighty arm You redeemed Your people…" -Ps. 77:11-15

So what is my solution? To find encouragement by remembering God's faithfulness and power! THIS gives me hope for the future! God has NEVER left me! In fact, He remains faithful, even when I don't. He will be there through thick and thin. The truth of the matter is that I will face failure in this life, I will face disappointment, BUT I must hold on to the truth that those things don't define who I am. Christ defines me!! What a beautiful reminder! His promises and will may not look like the way I want them to look, but they will be EVEN BETTER! His ways are perfect and happen at the perfect time, not one minute early or one minute late, but just at His perfect timing. God didn't forget about His people, the Israelites, in Exodus and Asaph was encouraged by remembering that. God performed great deeds and great miracles for Israel in the past, God would provide deliverance yet again! Trust Him!! Cling to that truth!

It was the exact encouragement I needed this morning! I pray it encourages you too!

Fix Your Eyes On Jesus... Not Your Date

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…" -Hebrews 12:2

Something that I have felt passionate about since growing in my walk with Christ is the topic of dating. Not just anything about dating or how to get a date, but how to have a Christ-centered relationship. Many of you who know me, know that my past does not consist of relationships that was God glorifying. It was rather a selfish pursuit of trying to fill voids and insecurities. I praise God everyday that He has delivered me from my past of codependency. Since being single, He has continuously revealed to me that my hope, my identity, my significance and worth is not found in a relationship with an earthly man, it's in Christ! In mid-March of this year, it was as if a lightbulb switched on over my head when it came to realizing that the reason why I was always left disappointed and feeling empty was because I was looking to ALL the wrong things for happiness. That was a beautiful day that I remember as if it was yesterday. As I sat on my living room couch crying at how thankful I was that God revealed that to me and how grateful I was that His grace saved me from so much, I immediately felt the joy! Yes, something WAY better than happiness! A joy that only comes from being filled with Christ and being secure in His love for me and seeing that I am significant, I am significant because He loves me and because He died for me! 

Guess what? YOU are significant too! He loves you beyond what you could EVER imagine! Don't ever settle for less! God has so many beautiful plans for you and I PROMISE you this, when you are patiently waiting on His perfect timing, it will be beyond your wildest dreams! 

So, I wanted to share some things that God has revealed to me during my season of singleness, I hope this encourages you as it definitely encouraged me! 

Letting Go…

Yes, those words are scary! Trust me, they are just as scary for me as I'm sure they are for you. To lose control and to surrender is such a terrifying thought, yet the moment that I let go (which I can tell you was definitely against my will; God was prying my tightly gripped hands from it and I fought with all my might) of my dreams and began to truly trust that God is taking care of me and ONLY wants the best for me, I experienced freedom! Now, I can definitely say that it has been a roller coaster ride for sure! Many ups and downs and many emotions, BUT I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING because as He slowly unveils His beautiful plans for me, they are far better than anything I had planned for myself! He truly is a GOOD God!! He isn't trying to keep you from something good, He is protecting you because He sees the bigger picture while we can only see the present. 

During my season of singleness, Christ taught me something extremely valuable… patience! Something that will also be very important to have once you are married. 

So then, what does it mean to honor God in a relationship?

-It means to pursue God first! If God is the center of the relationship, you then grow closer together with your significant other. We must live by His standards that He outlined in Scripture for our own good, rather than by what we think we can handle.

-It also means setting forth biblical boundaries and standards from the very beginning of the relationship. That way when temptation arises there is already a clear line established. You honor God by being pure because your body is His temple. You must be careful because if the physical attraction takes over the core, then God is no longer the core of the relationship. 

-You honor God by the way you treat each other - with honor, dignity, and respect! 

-You have to keep God in the center of it by being more intentional in prayer about the relationship. At every step we must pray to make sure it is from God. God will guide you according to His will if you will pray for His will. 

-Have someone in your life that you're accountable to (other than the person you are dating) who can tell you when your focus has shifted from God to the other person. God should ALWAYS be number one! 

-Put trust in God, NOT in the person you're dating. If your value is only in the guy/girl, you are setting yourself up to be crushed (and trust me, from experience, that WILL happen if you aren't finding your worth and value in Christ!)

-Be in the Word - have something you can discuss together that God is teaching you. 

-Learn from each other - one way that you can do that is by serving together. You learn a whole lot about a person by serving together. Attend church together, but also give each other the space to pursue the Lord individually. 

-Your focus in the relationship should be on encouraging each other in life and in one another's walk with God. Our purpose in dating and in marriage should be about how you can help each other grow more in their walk with Jesus, how you each can help further in growth and pursuit of holiness. How can you bless, serve, and give?

You cannot get from someone else what you can get from God! Look for your security from God alone! He alone provides true security, a positive self-identity, and unconditional love! We must all remember (I speak to myself as well) that we can't love our neighbors as ourselves until we love God first! 

*Ask yourself: If I were to start a relationship with this guy/girl, would it lead me closer to God or would it cause me to drift farther away from Him?

I leave you all with this quote that I read in a book that I thought explains it all perfectly! 

It's not how you look or how smart you are, not anything that the world says. It's who you are in the mirror of the Word. If you are grounded and rooted in the character of God, then you become like-minded with Christ. Your self-respect comes from knowing who you are in Christ and honoring Him. Every breath that you breathe is a gift. Respect yourself to the point that you don't need to change one thing. You are not your own, you belong to God.

This Beautiful Mess Called Life

As an artist at heart, I love seeing the final product of what I envisioned in my head on a canvas, but when in the process of getting it complete, it just looks like a mess and doesn't seem to make any sense. It's just a mass array of smeared colors that look like something a 4 year old did… 

Note: This post is going to express more of a vulnerable side of me, but I pray that it can ultimately be used for God's glory and not mine. 

I'm always trying to portray an image of perfection. I always want to seem like I have it all together and that I'm 100% completely content with where God has me in life at this moment. I wish I could say that I don't struggle in that area; the area of contentment, but the truth of the matter is that I'm constantly struggling with it. I find myself constantly begging God to take my pain and impatience, constantly trying to remind myself that I'm right where He wants me at this time. It's such a difficult battle that I sometimes feel I can't win… the battle to die to self. The perfectionistic side of me wants to see steps taken and results in return, permanent results, but that's just it, if I reached perfection, would I need to trust God for anything??

Bare with me here for a moment, I'm going to have a good emotional dumping…

As a person who desperately seeks others approval - I'm constantly wondering what others are thinking of me. Constantly wondering if they think I can't seem to get my life together in regards to my future career (since I've changed educational paths so many times). I sometimes wonder if people just think that this "poor girl" just can't get her life figured out. I'm constantly thinking… Do they pity me??

What am I accomplishing in this life right now? I have a job that a high schooler could do (please don't think I'm not happy that I have this job or content with it - this is merely me trying to make a point). I've spent so much money on a college degree that I'm not even using. I've recently changed my grad school plans from Occupational Therapy, a degree that this world finds honorable and respectable, to seminary school, which I've had many say "it makes no money," as if I'm doing it for the money?? 

Sometimes I just feel like my life is at a standstill and I'm just exhaustively running with all my might, just to find myself in the exact same spot. 

Besides career paths - I wonder if I'll ever be a wife or a mom. Almost all my friends that I went to college with have accomplished so much and are either happily married with several kids or are in a successful career. Sometimes I can't help but feel as if God has forgotten about me… I know very well that this isn't true, but it's just how it feels sometimes. 

Going back to that mass array of smeared colors on a canvas… it is only that way temporarily. As you continue to paint, and step back from the painting rather than seeing it up close, you get this…

You see, the picture above was only a close up of a portion of the painting. Sure looks different now, doesn't it? That's exactly how this life is. God sees the entire picture - what does He see that I'm not seeing? He sees my WHOLE life and I'm only seeing the close up version. I'm only seeing life in it's gradual process to completion, but He sees the beauty I have yet to see. How encouraging is that?? 

It's scary at times to think that God sees my entire life mapped out before Him. He literally knows my wedding date, if it's His will for me to marry. He knows how many kids I will have and He knows their exact names. He knows my future career and how He plans on me using my gifts in that career. He knows my last breath taken on this earth. He has it all right in His hands. It's such an amazing thought, yet so scary because I have no control over any of it or how it turns out. 

What makes me think that I want control of my life?

Celeste, you've only managed to cause turmoil and destruction and yet you still worry about not being able to take charge?? My plans aren't His plans for my life, and seriously, if they aren't His plans, then I don't want them. Life has not gone according to my plans so far, and even though I went through a time of not being happy about things not going my way, I am beginning to slowly step back from the close up of the painting to see a little more and more of this beautiful mess of a life, and that brings me such peace and contentment with where God has me right now. 

If you told me when I was 18 that when I'm 27 I would still be single, planning on seminary school for a future career in ministry, planning on going on mission trips, and trying to lead others to Christ -  I would have fallen off my chair in laughter. Why? Because NONE of those things were in my plans at that time. 

 - my plan was to graduate by 23

 - my plan was to have a degree in nursing

 - my plan was to be married to a handsome doctor shortly after graduating

 - my plan was to be making lots of money and getting higher up in my profession

 - my plan was to live in a really expensive house in Frisco

 - my plan was to be driving my dream car (none other than a Lexus SUV)

 - my plan was to have 2 kids by 26

Where was God in any of that?? To be honest, He was not in my plans. He was the last thing on my "priority list". My hopes were not in Christ, they were in a husband, materialism, and money. I mean after all, aren't those things what bring you joy in this life?

Boy was I wrong!

Now, at 27, I find myself waiting for God's perfect timing and finding my true contentment in my relationship with Him, not in a high paying job, materialism, or a spouse. I'm at peace as I wait for the man He is molding for me and for my future career because I know that He knows what is best for me. I certainly wish I could say that by doing it God's way that it means it is the super easy and carefree way. At times, it is the most difficult process ever to push my desires aside and wait on God's timing and His desires for my life. To learn patience and self-control when I always did the opposite in this life. I always wanted to take charge of my life, so therefore I took matters into my own hands rather than seeking prayerfully for God's will. It's hard!! It's literally a dying to self everyday. Yet, that is where I am finding true joy! 

Here is the truth I must remind myself of everyday…

God is in control - all this loneliness, all this pain, all this patience, will one day pay off. One day it will all make sense. 

Until I am home with my Heavenly Father, I pray that I will find myself waiting… waiting faithfully on His timing and His will for my life. 


"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need." -Philippians 4:11-12

"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the church." -1 Corinthians 7:17

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment" -1 Timothy 6:6

Is Physical Purity Our Only Concern?

Our generation lives in a culture that doesn't give us 20 & 30-somethings a good example of how to be in a healthy relationship, much less a God-honoring one. 


Leaving behind the old me & my worldly-praised relationship patterns, and being surrounded by amazing brothers and sisters in Christ that model what a God-honoring relationship/marriage looks like has opened my eyes to a world of dating I NEVER knew was possible. Now, by no means am I an expert in this department, but I honestly believe that God is teaching me daily what its suppose to look like vs. how the world says it should be. 


Now it just makes sense and it's because of the growth I have experienced in my walk with Christ and yearning to know more about His word. Seriously, I now view the Bible as my "handbook" for how to handle life, whereas before I never even cared to open it, or maybe it was just something about this big book that had the words "Holy Bible" on it that just intimidated me. Whatever the reason was, the Bible that I owned since I was 12 looked brand new with crisp pages and all when I found it a couple months ago. Now I crave to learn more about what God desires for His children and the life we live on this earth. There is just something about an intimate and deep relationship with Christ that just brings the Word of God to life. In fact, I know what that something is… it's the Holy Spirit! 


Okay, I'm going into a tangent that isn't particularly meant for this blog… so I digress and move on to my main topic… :) 


Emotional Purity…


We, especially those in the church, are all too familiar with the topic of physical purity, but something that I come across time and time again as I interact with young adults is this whole getting your heart broken by someone that you were only friends with, but maybe didn't necessarily act like friends with. Hearing it so often, I felt led to dedicate this post to the topic of emotional purity and how beneficial it is for men and women to be just as careful in this area as they would in the area of physical boundaries. 


I'll rewind with a story from my past that maybe some of you will be able to identify with. When I was a sophomore in college, there was a guy I became really close friends with. We really enjoyed each others company and it was just really easy to talk with him about everything and anything. We pretty much hung out all the time and went to Rangers games together, took road trips, danced out on the parking lot during a full moon, phone conversations till late at night, coffee, movies, basketball, etc., etc., etc. Now, it never went beyond that. I honestly did not like him as anything more than friends, but the more we became vulnerable with each other by sharing our past stories or just hanging out all the time, the more I began to notice that he was acting like he was interested in something more than just a friendship. Even though I began to notice this, I still continued to hang out with him for several reasons and even though I'm not proud of those reasons, I will honestly share with you all exactly why I continued hanging out with him all the time...

1. Because I liked the attention I was getting, and
2. Because I was lonely and enjoyed the company

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I couldn't stand the guy and was just solely using him. I really liked his personality and he had a lot of the qualities I wanted in a boyfriend, I just couldn't view him as anything more than a friend. We literally continued this "friendship" for almost a year! He didn't tell me the truth about his feelings towards me until I began opening up to him about a guy I was interested in that was actually one of his closest friends. Yeah… talk about complicated! I had to be upfront at this point about the fact that I did not see him as anything more than just friends. Needless to say, one walked away that day with a broken heart and the other walked away with a broken friendship beyond repair. 

I don't like sharing that story because it makes me feel like such a jerk. Even though he was never upfront about his feelings until almost a year later, I still feel like I was careless in how I handled the situation because I did begin to notice earlier on that he was acting like he was interested in more than just being friends (not to mention, I had friends telling me that he liked me). I continued hanging out with him for selfish reasons and was reckless with the heart of my brother in Christ. 

The reason I share that story is because I'm not the only one that this happens to, in fact, it happens ALL the time! At one point in my life, a similar scenario as described above happened to me but with me being left with the broken heart. 

"Emotional intimacy is the kind of closeness and familiarity that stirs feelings and senses that promote a bond, a union that God reserves for the marriage relationship." - Heather Arnel Paulsen

Here's my point: friendship with the opposite sex is a delicate matter and should not be taken lightly because you may be playing with the heart of another person. 

Friends, guard your heart! When you play with the emotions and expectations of someone without expecting to satisfy them in a righteous way, you are defrauding them. You CANNOT righteously satisfy another person until you make a commitment. You need to consider that you are dealing with another person's future husband or wife. 

Would you like knowing that your future spouse is giving himself/herself emotionally and spiritually to another?? 

So, is the point of this whole post just to tell you all that you shouldn't be friends with the opposite sex?? ABSOLUTELY NOT! 

What I am trying to say is: don't become emotionally involved to every guy/girl that comes your way. Be careful to not spend so much one-on-one time alone with the opposite sex. Set boundaries! 

Word of advice for guys…

1) Women are emotional! Most of you may have already figured that one out, but just in case… we are  e-m-o-t-i-o-n-a-l  !! And it's not a bad thing, women's ability to emotionally connect is the "superglue" for her marriage, BUT not for all her male friendships! 

2) The female heart should be protected! Ask yourself what you can do to help the women in your life protect and save their hearts for their future mates. 

3) If you tell a woman you just want to "be friends" then you better treat her like you would any of your other friends (male or female) because I promise you she will believe your behavior more than your words! Guys, unfortunately, we tend to overanalyze every little thing you guys do. 

4) Talk to all girls equally. The more you share with a woman, the more you may be causing her to draw closer to you. 

Word of advice for girls…

1) Treat the men in your life the way you would any of your other friends (male or female)! Do not pay special attention to them. Keep your thoughts captive to Jesus Christ! Control your actions and thoughts because there is no commitment of a lifelong partnership with any one of them. 

2) Girls, it's not always the guys fault. You must observe how he treats all girls because if you are reading into his actions and he treats everyone the same way, then you have no reason at that time to think that he is pursuing you. 

3) Don't share intimate details of your life or intimate parts of your testimony with them. Save that for the one you are committed to. 

4) View your guy friends as a brother relationship. Don't focus on the what-ifs but rather on the now! 

Stop focusing on the guy/girl and start focusing on God!

The Old Is Gone…

Happy Sunday bloggers! 


I haven't posted in quite some time and thought today would be a perfect day to catch up. 


Since my last post, God has turned my life COMPLETELY upside down… and it's been GREAT! I don't think I could have even imagined how wonderful life can be when you have an intimate relationship with Christ. To be honest, I didn't even think you could have a real relationship with Christ. I mean, c'mon, He's not even tangible or someone you can see. Ohhh… was I wrong. When you experience this intimate relationship with Him, it feels so much more real than anything you could ever experience with someone who is tangible! 


I'm constantly thanking God for all the things He has done in my life, even the negative and bad experiences.

"How can you be thankful for the bad experiences??"

Your probably asking yourself that question and I definitely at one point asked myself that very same question. I can now answer it and I will answer it for you too! 

Lets first start with just a little quick overview of the bad experiences I faced in my past…

• Sexually abused when I was 6
• Bullied and called "cow" because I was overweight
• Depression/suicidal thoughts
• Eating Disorder
• Father passed away when I was 18
• Dependence on medication and alcohol to numb my pain
• Unhealthy relationships with guys
• Attempted suicide 3 times. 3rd attempt was a very close call

I was extremely angry at God for many years because of these experiences. All I could think was that if God was a "good God" as so many people said, then why would He have allowed these things to happen?? 

Let me tell you something, God is sovereign! He can use ANYTHING, even the bad, for His glory and to defeat the enemy. That is exactly what He did with my life. I didn't think there was any hope for me, but the beginning of this year, after I finally gave up and gave God control of my entire life, I was rescued! 

I'm healing from these wounds because I am now sharing with others the hope I have and how there is hope for them as well.

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.    - 1 Peter 3:15

The enemy had a very good grasp over my life for many years, yet through confession, repentance, and the body of Christ, I have found healing and restoration. Now, I can freely share my story with countless girls who have experienced similar things and show them how amazing God is and how it is ONLY because of Him that my life has changed and that I no longer hold on to bitterness and anger.


The verse that resounds in my head is 2 Corinthians 5:17, which says:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 

Amen to that! How can I not be thankful for everything in my life, including the bad, when even the bad can be used to glorify God and shine His light unto this dark world! The enemy no longer has a hold of me! Don't let the enemy keep you bondage to your past or sins, there is freedom in Christ!

When It Ends... Be Thankful

The moment you first lay eyes on that guy/girl that you like... ahh, the feelings! The jumble of emotions that hit you - excitement, nervousness, butterflies in the tummy, the voices in your head about whether he/she notices you or if they have the same feelings for you... 


Yes, those moments are great. Those feelings are the cloud 9 that I could live on forever! You know what is an even more amazing feeling? When the guy/girl you are so totally smitten over thinks your pretty amazing as well. It's that feeling like "Oh my gosh! I can't believe he/she feels the same way!! [Insert name here] LIKES ME!! WOOHOO!" At that very moment, you suddenly feel like you could conquer the world or, with a huge smile on your face, hug everyone that passes by, even if the stranger you randomly hug pushes you away and calls you a "freak" - that smile ain't going anywhere! You just can't wait to get home so you can update your 'relationship status' on Facebook! 


Let's fast forward to several months later. Lets look at the girls perspective (because obviously that's all I know). She begins thinking this guy is "the one" and starts looking for wedding dresses/wedding ideas online for hours beyond hours! She even makes a Pinterest board with all her wonderful wedding plans (word of honesty here: I'm guilty of this!). While "Mr. Man Of My Dreams" is beginning to think he needs space or worse yet, he is thinking that you both should "just be friends." Grr.. those words... "just be friends" still makes me cringe! The next thing you know, your heartbroken! All your dreams come crashing before you!


I've been there. To be honest, quite recently. You see, shortly after, ahh.. I'll be honest, about a couple weeks after I broke up with DMB, I began talking to another guy, I'll refer to him as WLG (Worship Leader Guy). WLG and I had SO very many things in common! I loved that he was involved in his faith and was so knowledgable about the Bible. He was funny, smart, witty, nice, etc., etc., etc. Not to mention, we had so much in common that you could have almost called us "twinkles!" We hit it off so well that we began dating shortly after our first date. He had A LOT of the qualities that I was looking for in a future spouse, the many qualities that were lacking in my previous relationship. I began to think that this must be a sign from God to meet someone, especially so soon after my breakup, with all the qualities I was looking for. Yes, as much as I tried to tell myself to not start getting carried away... yeah... I went beyond carried away in my thoughts and WAY to soon into the relationship. One night, about a month later, we were talking on the phone and everything was going smoothly... UNTIL... he mentioned the dreaded words... "we should be friends." Yes... and well, I haven't heard from him since! You can imagine my distress and heartbreak when I heard those words, especially since I was on a completely different page in regards to where I thought we stood.  


Your probably wondering where I'm going with this - I promise, I have a point! 


After going through many tissue boxes, eating gallons of ice cream, and listening to depressing breakup songs, I somehow got the strength to begin reading in order to take my mind off of the whole situation. One particular book that I read is called What To Do Until Love Finds You by Michelle Hammond. I must say, that book was a blessing during this time. Something that really just switched on the lightbulb above my head was when the writer said that the key to finding out if a guy is really "your" man is in being willing and able to completely let go. If the man doesn't come back, he isn't God's choice for you and if that's the case, breathe a sigh of relief and say, "Thank you, Lord" because you have just been saved from a world of trouble! 


Now, I've heard many people tell me something to that extent whenever I was depressed and heartbroken over a guy that dumped me, BUT for some reason, this time, it just really clicked that I should be thankful for the outcome. I know that sounds strange, but if you really think about it, would you want to spend more and more time getting to know this person and getting that much more emotionally attached and then it end, or worse yet, end in divorce? If that door was closed, God was protecting you from worse heartaches and it's better to find out earlier in the game so that you can be free to receive the person God has chosen for you. 


You must remember, God allowed this situation to bring about changes in you (I'm continuously reminding myself of this!). God doesn't waste anyone's time! It's also extremely important to not start holding in anger towards the guy/girl that left you, but rather, turn to God and ask Him what He wants to work out in you! 

"God, why are you punishing and teasing me by allowing such a great guy into my life and then suddenly saying, 'NOPE! You can't have it!'" 

That's the words of a girl who is angry with God for the way things are going in her life... those words came from me! 

Even though those words came out of my mouth just about a month ago, I'm not that girl anymore! You see, I'm beginning to realize that God is not out to punish me! He's trying to show me something! He's saying that I need this time of singleness because I have some serious spiritual surgery to go through. He is trying to show me that I need to learn to put my faith in Him. During this specific season in my life, God is pointing out old wounds and wrong ways of thinking that would affect my marriage one day. I didn't realize any of this until I stopped being angry with God and stopped thinking only about what I wanted.


A couple days ago, I woke up really early in the morning, and suddenly felt the need to get down on my knees and pray. As I was on the floor in my dark room, I began talking aloud to God. Suddenly, I began crying, not tears of sadness, but rather tears of overwhelming joy! At that very moment, all I could do was be so extremely thankful to God that He is allowing me this season in my life to grow and to see the unhealthy patterns that were occurring in all my past relationships with men. Now, if you know me, you would know that I never would have thought I would be writing a post on my blog about how thankful I am for being single at the age of 27! BUT it's true! I am beyond thankful that God is revealing Himself to me daily, that I am beginning to open my heart to Him in ways I never have before in my walk with Christ. I am truly beginning to surrender everything I held such a tight grip on and just fully trusting in Him! 


I don't know how many people have told me that I must surrender to Him and have faith in Him. I've heard it all my life! But it took a lot of painful relationships and bad choices to realize it! I'm there... I'm beginning to see how truly wonderful it is to just let it go to God! It's beyond wonderful, it brings such relief and overwhelming joy that is difficult for me to even describe in words! 


Remember the guy/girl that felt like he/she could hug every person that passes them by? Yeah! That's me! That's me today WITHOUT my relationship status going from 'single' to 'in a relationship'! I'm single and can't seem to stop smiling, can't seem to keep myself from wanting to break into song at random times! I never EVER thought I could feel this way without a guy in my life. The amazing thing about it is that this feeling goes beyond what I have ever felt when with a guy! This isn't just happiness, this is joy! An overwhelming joy that I can't seem to hold back! A joy that remains even on those days when I'm kind of bummed out that I'm not married or have a boyfriend. You guys, it's real! It's GOD! 


Trust in Him! Do not for a second think that you can't feel this way, whether single or married! You can definitely feel this way! The solution is simple... trust God with your life! Love Him with every thought, word, and action! Don't do these things in hopes that He will give you something in return. No! Love Him unconditionally like He loves us because ultimately, it's not at all about us, it's about Him! 

"If you're ready for an unforgettable earthly romance, start by discovering the joy of an intimate, daily romance with the King of kings."

That quote came from the book I'm currently reading called When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Guide To Guy/Girl Relationships by Eric & Leslie Ludy. I completely recommend this book!! 


Well, it's midnight and I'm wiped out. I will leave you bloggers with an amazing song that I think we should remind ourselves of daily. Please listen to it and carefully listen to the words. Goodnight lovelys! :)

Why The Rush

Good afternoon blogger world!


I have always been an avid fan of blogging, yet can't seem to ever keep up with it. Life has taken some rather sharp twists and turns and I figured a great way to document my challenges and growth is by blogging. 


As many of you know, I had a very sweet relationship with a guy that I will refer to as "DMB". DMB and I shared our life together for 4 years, and a couple months after our 4 year anniversary… well… it ended. Now, if you were to have told me about a year ago that I would no longer be dating this man, I would have laughed in your face. Reason being, I was really in love with DMB and was positive I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Looking back now, I see that I was settling. Nothing against him as a person, I just began to see how I was compromising bigger issues that were extremely important to me. Issues that would later resurface in our marriage. It took many challenges and hurdles to finally begin to see with another pair of eyes - the eyes of truth. I think somewhere along our relationship I knew that the things I was looking over were very important to me, BUT I was so extremely caught up in the ticking time clock that most of us call "biological clocks" that I failed to pay more attention to the things that really matter most to me in a future spouse. DMB had so very many special qualities that I wanted in a man that I just began to fixate my thoughts on those and compromise what was more important. 


I don't think it really began to hit me how important the qualities he was lacking were until I noticed how much we were fighting over them. Fight after fight about wanting him to be a certain way… a man that he is not. 


However, I didn't decide to write this specific post about my failed relationship. Instead, I wanted to write about the battles that women, specifically I, go through day in and day out regarding the pressures of having a specific relationship status. I never realized how much I find my significance and beauty through men until I ended things with DMB. So much so that I feel worthless and useless in this world without a man by my side. Everything about my demeanor when I'm with a guy - the extra pep in my step and the smile that simply cannot hide, are extinguished when I do not have a man in my life. Why can't I be that way without a man? Why is it that I let a man define who Celeste really is? It's a problem that not only I struggle with, but that thousands beyond thousands of girls can relate to. 

"Have you seen these lines? I am in a race against time here."

The quote above is from a movie I was watching yesterday as I was journaling. The movie is called The Perfect Man. It's a cute movie about a teenager, Holly Hamilton, who is tired of moving every single time her mom, Jean Hamilton, has another personal meltdown involving yet another second-rate guy. In order to distract her mom from the latest bad choices, Holly conceived a plan for the perfect man. Jean has devoted her entire life to caring for her children, but knows that eventually they will leave the nest and she will be alone, therefore becoming desperate to meet a great guy. The quote above was referring to Jean telling her daughter Holly about how the wrinkles on her face are multiplying with time and she needs to find a man pronto! 


As I heard that line, it only confirmed my thoughts as to why women are in such a rush to find a man, and not only is it about age, it's also about desperately needing to feel loved and have that affirmation constantly. Unfortunately, we get to the point of desperation and look in all the wrong places for that "perfect man". We put ourselves out there and try to take control of the situation, only to find ourselves in more heartache than before. Now, I type this not having it all figured out. I wish I could say that I don't fall into this trap anymore, but oh goodness, I am far from that! I find myself everyday trying to take charge and find that man of my dreams myself, BUT that's just it. We aren't suppose to try to take the lead in finding that man. In fact, we are to wait on God's perfect timing. 


Now that I enter singlehood, I find myself with a lot of extra free time. So, I figured what better way to put my time to good use than by reading some great books on waiting for God's timing and being content with being single. After raiding Barnes & Noble and probably buying the whole section of 'Waiting-On-Mr.-Right' books, I have found myself encouraged more and more each day! My latest read is called Lady In Waiting, such an amazing book and I suggest any single woman who is struggling with this season in life should read it! The writer of the book refers many times to the story of Ruth and how she did not go out looking for a man, but rather chose to follow God and trust Him with her future, whereas her sister Orpah chose logical sight for future direction. The first morning in Bethlehem, Ruth happened to stop in a field belonging to a gentleman by the name of Boaz. Boaz "just happened" to visit the very same field that day. Ruth's "eyes of faith" led her to the exact spot where she would meet her Mr. Right, Boaz. Her chance led her right into the center of God's will and right to Boaz's field. Their meeting was not an accident nor the product of female maneuvering. Instead, it was the work of a sovereign God. "Wow!" is all I can say to that! 


Why do we doubt that God will provide our future Mr. Right? I find myself doubting all the time, but a great constant reminder for me is this: if Jesus wants me married, He will orchestrate the encounter. You have NOTHING to fear except getting in the way and trying to "write the script" rather than following His! 


God is almighty and all powerful, we should have a childlike faith, even when it comes to things that seem impossible for God, because absolutely nothing is impossible for Him! He can even do such amazing things as bring you and your future spouse to that right place at that right time! I must say, that is such a huge encouragement for me! God has my Mr. Right out there and this season in my life right now should not be wasted on being all depressed about not being engaged or married already. Instead, I should use this time to completely surrender it ALL! Leave all those anxieties and fears at His feet and know that He does and WILL provide. It's all a matter of His perfect timing. Until then, I must find my significance through Christ. I am beginning to realize how I won't find completion through having a perfect career, a husband, children, etc. The only way I will find complete fulfillment is through Christ and nourishing that relationship. All else will fall into place when I can learn to completely let go and be content with where God has me in life. God is doing some amazing things in my life right now and it's amazing how real He feels to me, almost as if I could reach my hand out and touch His. I'm excited about where this life of mine is headed and how, even through something as small as blogging, I can begin to see the works of God and how He continues to mold me. 


I hope this encourages someone out there as much as it encouraged me yesterday. :)


Until next time...