"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…" -Hebrews 12:2
Something that I have felt passionate about since growing in my walk with Christ is the topic of dating. Not just anything about dating or how to get a date, but how to have a Christ-centered relationship. Many of you who know me, know that my past does not consist of relationships that was God glorifying. It was rather a selfish pursuit of trying to fill voids and insecurities. I praise God everyday that He has delivered me from my past of codependency. Since being single, He has continuously revealed to me that my hope, my identity, my significance and worth is not found in a relationship with an earthly man, it's in Christ! In mid-March of this year, it was as if a lightbulb switched on over my head when it came to realizing that the reason why I was always left disappointed and feeling empty was because I was looking to ALL the wrong things for happiness. That was a beautiful day that I remember as if it was yesterday. As I sat on my living room couch crying at how thankful I was that God revealed that to me and how grateful I was that His grace saved me from so much, I immediately felt the joy! Yes, something WAY better than happiness! A joy that only comes from being filled with Christ and being secure in His love for me and seeing that I am significant, I am significant because He loves me and because He died for me!
Guess what? YOU are significant too! He loves you beyond what you could EVER imagine! Don't ever settle for less! God has so many beautiful plans for you and I PROMISE you this, when you are patiently waiting on His perfect timing, it will be beyond your wildest dreams!
So, I wanted to share some things that God has revealed to me during my season of singleness, I hope this encourages you as it definitely encouraged me!
Letting Go…
Yes, those words are scary! Trust me, they are just as scary for me as I'm sure they are for you. To lose control and to surrender is such a terrifying thought, yet the moment that I let go (which I can tell you was definitely against my will; God was prying my tightly gripped hands from it and I fought with all my might) of my dreams and began to truly trust that God is taking care of me and ONLY wants the best for me, I experienced freedom! Now, I can definitely say that it has been a roller coaster ride for sure! Many ups and downs and many emotions, BUT I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING because as He slowly unveils His beautiful plans for me, they are far better than anything I had planned for myself! He truly is a GOOD God!! He isn't trying to keep you from something good, He is protecting you because He sees the bigger picture while we can only see the present.
During my season of singleness, Christ taught me something extremely valuable… patience! Something that will also be very important to have once you are married.
So then, what does it mean to honor God in a relationship?
-It means to pursue God first! If God is the center of the relationship, you then grow closer together with your significant other. We must live by His standards that He outlined in Scripture for our own good, rather than by what we think we can handle.
-It also means setting forth biblical boundaries and standards from the very beginning of the relationship. That way when temptation arises there is already a clear line established. You honor God by being pure because your body is His temple. You must be careful because if the physical attraction takes over the core, then God is no longer the core of the relationship.
-You honor God by the way you treat each other - with honor, dignity, and respect!
-You have to keep God in the center of it by being more intentional in prayer about the relationship. At every step we must pray to make sure it is from God. God will guide you according to His will if you will pray for His will.
-Have someone in your life that you're accountable to (other than the person you are dating) who can tell you when your focus has shifted from God to the other person. God should ALWAYS be number one!
-Put trust in God, NOT in the person you're dating. If your value is only in the guy/girl, you are setting yourself up to be crushed (and trust me, from experience, that WILL happen if you aren't finding your worth and value in Christ!)
-Be in the Word - have something you can discuss together that God is teaching you.
-Learn from each other - one way that you can do that is by serving together. You learn a whole lot about a person by serving together. Attend church together, but also give each other the space to pursue the Lord individually.
-Your focus in the relationship should be on encouraging each other in life and in one another's walk with God. Our purpose in dating and in marriage should be about how you can help each other grow more in their walk with Jesus, how you each can help further in growth and pursuit of holiness. How can you bless, serve, and give?
You cannot get from someone else what you can get from God! Look for your security from God alone! He alone provides true security, a positive self-identity, and unconditional love! We must all remember (I speak to myself as well) that we can't love our neighbors as ourselves until we love God first!
*Ask yourself: If I were to start a relationship with this guy/girl, would it lead me closer to God or would it cause me to drift farther away from Him?
I leave you all with this quote that I read in a book that I thought explains it all perfectly!
It's not how you look or how smart you are, not anything that the world says. It's who you are in the mirror of the Word. If you are grounded and rooted in the character of God, then you become like-minded with Christ. Your self-respect comes from knowing who you are in Christ and honoring Him. Every breath that you breathe is a gift. Respect yourself to the point that you don't need to change one thing. You are not your own, you belong to God.
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