I have always been an avid fan of blogging, yet can't seem to ever keep up with it. Life has taken some rather sharp twists and turns and I figured a great way to document my challenges and growth is by blogging.
As many of you know, I had a very sweet relationship with a guy that I will refer to as "DMB". DMB and I shared our life together for 4 years, and a couple months after our 4 year anniversary… well… it ended. Now, if you were to have told me about a year ago that I would no longer be dating this man, I would have laughed in your face. Reason being, I was really in love with DMB and was positive I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Looking back now, I see that I was settling. Nothing against him as a person, I just began to see how I was compromising bigger issues that were extremely important to me. Issues that would later resurface in our marriage. It took many challenges and hurdles to finally begin to see with another pair of eyes - the eyes of truth. I think somewhere along our relationship I knew that the things I was looking over were very important to me, BUT I was so extremely caught up in the ticking time clock that most of us call "biological clocks" that I failed to pay more attention to the things that really matter most to me in a future spouse. DMB had so very many special qualities that I wanted in a man that I just began to fixate my thoughts on those and compromise what was more important.
I don't think it really began to hit me how important the qualities he was lacking were until I noticed how much we were fighting over them. Fight after fight about wanting him to be a certain way… a man that he is not.
However, I didn't decide to write this specific post about my failed relationship. Instead, I wanted to write about the battles that women, specifically I, go through day in and day out regarding the pressures of having a specific relationship status. I never realized how much I find my significance and beauty through men until I ended things with DMB. So much so that I feel worthless and useless in this world without a man by my side. Everything about my demeanor when I'm with a guy - the extra pep in my step and the smile that simply cannot hide, are extinguished when I do not have a man in my life. Why can't I be that way without a man? Why is it that I let a man define who Celeste really is? It's a problem that not only I struggle with, but that thousands beyond thousands of girls can relate to.
"Have you seen these lines? I am in a race against time here."The quote above is from a movie I was watching yesterday as I was journaling. The movie is called The Perfect Man. It's a cute movie about a teenager, Holly Hamilton, who is tired of moving every single time her mom, Jean Hamilton, has another personal meltdown involving yet another second-rate guy. In order to distract her mom from the latest bad choices, Holly conceived a plan for the perfect man. Jean has devoted her entire life to caring for her children, but knows that eventually they will leave the nest and she will be alone, therefore becoming desperate to meet a great guy. The quote above was referring to Jean telling her daughter Holly about how the wrinkles on her face are multiplying with time and she needs to find a man pronto!
As I heard that line, it only confirmed my thoughts as to why women are in such a rush to find a man, and not only is it about age, it's also about desperately needing to feel loved and have that affirmation constantly. Unfortunately, we get to the point of desperation and look in all the wrong places for that "perfect man". We put ourselves out there and try to take control of the situation, only to find ourselves in more heartache than before. Now, I type this not having it all figured out. I wish I could say that I don't fall into this trap anymore, but oh goodness, I am far from that! I find myself everyday trying to take charge and find that man of my dreams myself, BUT that's just it. We aren't suppose to try to take the lead in finding that man. In fact, we are to wait on God's perfect timing.
Now that I enter singlehood, I find myself with a lot of extra free time. So, I figured what better way to put my time to good use than by reading some great books on waiting for God's timing and being content with being single. After raiding Barnes & Noble and probably buying the whole section of 'Waiting-On-Mr.-Right' books, I have found myself encouraged more and more each day! My latest read is called Lady In Waiting, such an amazing book and I suggest any single woman who is struggling with this season in life should read it! The writer of the book refers many times to the story of Ruth and how she did not go out looking for a man, but rather chose to follow God and trust Him with her future, whereas her sister Orpah chose logical sight for future direction. The first morning in Bethlehem, Ruth happened to stop in a field belonging to a gentleman by the name of Boaz. Boaz "just happened" to visit the very same field that day. Ruth's "eyes of faith" led her to the exact spot where she would meet her Mr. Right, Boaz. Her chance led her right into the center of God's will and right to Boaz's field. Their meeting was not an accident nor the product of female maneuvering. Instead, it was the work of a sovereign God. "Wow!" is all I can say to that!
Why do we doubt that God will provide our future Mr. Right? I find myself doubting all the time, but a great constant reminder for me is this: if Jesus wants me married, He will orchestrate the encounter. You have NOTHING to fear except getting in the way and trying to "write the script" rather than following His!
God is almighty and all powerful, we should have a childlike faith, even when it comes to things that seem impossible for God, because absolutely nothing is impossible for Him! He can even do such amazing things as bring you and your future spouse to that right place at that right time! I must say, that is such a huge encouragement for me! God has my Mr. Right out there and this season in my life right now should not be wasted on being all depressed about not being engaged or married already. Instead, I should use this time to completely surrender it ALL! Leave all those anxieties and fears at His feet and know that He does and WILL provide. It's all a matter of His perfect timing. Until then, I must find my significance through Christ. I am beginning to realize how I won't find completion through having a perfect career, a husband, children, etc. The only way I will find complete fulfillment is through Christ and nourishing that relationship. All else will fall into place when I can learn to completely let go and be content with where God has me in life. God is doing some amazing things in my life right now and it's amazing how real He feels to me, almost as if I could reach my hand out and touch His. I'm excited about where this life of mine is headed and how, even through something as small as blogging, I can begin to see the works of God and how He continues to mold me.
I hope this encourages someone out there as much as it encouraged me yesterday. :)
Until next time...
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