Is Physical Purity Our Only Concern?

Our generation lives in a culture that doesn't give us 20 & 30-somethings a good example of how to be in a healthy relationship, much less a God-honoring one. 


Leaving behind the old me & my worldly-praised relationship patterns, and being surrounded by amazing brothers and sisters in Christ that model what a God-honoring relationship/marriage looks like has opened my eyes to a world of dating I NEVER knew was possible. Now, by no means am I an expert in this department, but I honestly believe that God is teaching me daily what its suppose to look like vs. how the world says it should be. 


Now it just makes sense and it's because of the growth I have experienced in my walk with Christ and yearning to know more about His word. Seriously, I now view the Bible as my "handbook" for how to handle life, whereas before I never even cared to open it, or maybe it was just something about this big book that had the words "Holy Bible" on it that just intimidated me. Whatever the reason was, the Bible that I owned since I was 12 looked brand new with crisp pages and all when I found it a couple months ago. Now I crave to learn more about what God desires for His children and the life we live on this earth. There is just something about an intimate and deep relationship with Christ that just brings the Word of God to life. In fact, I know what that something is… it's the Holy Spirit! 


Okay, I'm going into a tangent that isn't particularly meant for this blog… so I digress and move on to my main topic… :) 


Emotional Purity…


We, especially those in the church, are all too familiar with the topic of physical purity, but something that I come across time and time again as I interact with young adults is this whole getting your heart broken by someone that you were only friends with, but maybe didn't necessarily act like friends with. Hearing it so often, I felt led to dedicate this post to the topic of emotional purity and how beneficial it is for men and women to be just as careful in this area as they would in the area of physical boundaries. 


I'll rewind with a story from my past that maybe some of you will be able to identify with. When I was a sophomore in college, there was a guy I became really close friends with. We really enjoyed each others company and it was just really easy to talk with him about everything and anything. We pretty much hung out all the time and went to Rangers games together, took road trips, danced out on the parking lot during a full moon, phone conversations till late at night, coffee, movies, basketball, etc., etc., etc. Now, it never went beyond that. I honestly did not like him as anything more than friends, but the more we became vulnerable with each other by sharing our past stories or just hanging out all the time, the more I began to notice that he was acting like he was interested in something more than just a friendship. Even though I began to notice this, I still continued to hang out with him for several reasons and even though I'm not proud of those reasons, I will honestly share with you all exactly why I continued hanging out with him all the time...

1. Because I liked the attention I was getting, and
2. Because I was lonely and enjoyed the company

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I couldn't stand the guy and was just solely using him. I really liked his personality and he had a lot of the qualities I wanted in a boyfriend, I just couldn't view him as anything more than a friend. We literally continued this "friendship" for almost a year! He didn't tell me the truth about his feelings towards me until I began opening up to him about a guy I was interested in that was actually one of his closest friends. Yeah… talk about complicated! I had to be upfront at this point about the fact that I did not see him as anything more than just friends. Needless to say, one walked away that day with a broken heart and the other walked away with a broken friendship beyond repair. 

I don't like sharing that story because it makes me feel like such a jerk. Even though he was never upfront about his feelings until almost a year later, I still feel like I was careless in how I handled the situation because I did begin to notice earlier on that he was acting like he was interested in more than just being friends (not to mention, I had friends telling me that he liked me). I continued hanging out with him for selfish reasons and was reckless with the heart of my brother in Christ. 

The reason I share that story is because I'm not the only one that this happens to, in fact, it happens ALL the time! At one point in my life, a similar scenario as described above happened to me but with me being left with the broken heart. 

"Emotional intimacy is the kind of closeness and familiarity that stirs feelings and senses that promote a bond, a union that God reserves for the marriage relationship." - Heather Arnel Paulsen

Here's my point: friendship with the opposite sex is a delicate matter and should not be taken lightly because you may be playing with the heart of another person. 

Friends, guard your heart! When you play with the emotions and expectations of someone without expecting to satisfy them in a righteous way, you are defrauding them. You CANNOT righteously satisfy another person until you make a commitment. You need to consider that you are dealing with another person's future husband or wife. 

Would you like knowing that your future spouse is giving himself/herself emotionally and spiritually to another?? 

So, is the point of this whole post just to tell you all that you shouldn't be friends with the opposite sex?? ABSOLUTELY NOT! 

What I am trying to say is: don't become emotionally involved to every guy/girl that comes your way. Be careful to not spend so much one-on-one time alone with the opposite sex. Set boundaries! 

Word of advice for guys…

1) Women are emotional! Most of you may have already figured that one out, but just in case… we are  e-m-o-t-i-o-n-a-l  !! And it's not a bad thing, women's ability to emotionally connect is the "superglue" for her marriage, BUT not for all her male friendships! 

2) The female heart should be protected! Ask yourself what you can do to help the women in your life protect and save their hearts for their future mates. 

3) If you tell a woman you just want to "be friends" then you better treat her like you would any of your other friends (male or female) because I promise you she will believe your behavior more than your words! Guys, unfortunately, we tend to overanalyze every little thing you guys do. 

4) Talk to all girls equally. The more you share with a woman, the more you may be causing her to draw closer to you. 

Word of advice for girls…

1) Treat the men in your life the way you would any of your other friends (male or female)! Do not pay special attention to them. Keep your thoughts captive to Jesus Christ! Control your actions and thoughts because there is no commitment of a lifelong partnership with any one of them. 

2) Girls, it's not always the guys fault. You must observe how he treats all girls because if you are reading into his actions and he treats everyone the same way, then you have no reason at that time to think that he is pursuing you. 

3) Don't share intimate details of your life or intimate parts of your testimony with them. Save that for the one you are committed to. 

4) View your guy friends as a brother relationship. Don't focus on the what-ifs but rather on the now! 

Stop focusing on the guy/girl and start focusing on God!