When It Ends... Be Thankful

The moment you first lay eyes on that guy/girl that you like... ahh, the feelings! The jumble of emotions that hit you - excitement, nervousness, butterflies in the tummy, the voices in your head about whether he/she notices you or if they have the same feelings for you... 


Yes, those moments are great. Those feelings are the cloud 9 that I could live on forever! You know what is an even more amazing feeling? When the guy/girl you are so totally smitten over thinks your pretty amazing as well. It's that feeling like "Oh my gosh! I can't believe he/she feels the same way!! [Insert name here] LIKES ME!! WOOHOO!" At that very moment, you suddenly feel like you could conquer the world or, with a huge smile on your face, hug everyone that passes by, even if the stranger you randomly hug pushes you away and calls you a "freak" - that smile ain't going anywhere! You just can't wait to get home so you can update your 'relationship status' on Facebook! 


Let's fast forward to several months later. Lets look at the girls perspective (because obviously that's all I know). She begins thinking this guy is "the one" and starts looking for wedding dresses/wedding ideas online for hours beyond hours! She even makes a Pinterest board with all her wonderful wedding plans (word of honesty here: I'm guilty of this!). While "Mr. Man Of My Dreams" is beginning to think he needs space or worse yet, he is thinking that you both should "just be friends." Grr.. those words... "just be friends" still makes me cringe! The next thing you know, your heartbroken! All your dreams come crashing before you!


I've been there. To be honest, quite recently. You see, shortly after, ahh.. I'll be honest, about a couple weeks after I broke up with DMB, I began talking to another guy, I'll refer to him as WLG (Worship Leader Guy). WLG and I had SO very many things in common! I loved that he was involved in his faith and was so knowledgable about the Bible. He was funny, smart, witty, nice, etc., etc., etc. Not to mention, we had so much in common that you could have almost called us "twinkles!" We hit it off so well that we began dating shortly after our first date. He had A LOT of the qualities that I was looking for in a future spouse, the many qualities that were lacking in my previous relationship. I began to think that this must be a sign from God to meet someone, especially so soon after my breakup, with all the qualities I was looking for. Yes, as much as I tried to tell myself to not start getting carried away... yeah... I went beyond carried away in my thoughts and WAY to soon into the relationship. One night, about a month later, we were talking on the phone and everything was going smoothly... UNTIL... he mentioned the dreaded words... "we should be friends." Yes... and well, I haven't heard from him since! You can imagine my distress and heartbreak when I heard those words, especially since I was on a completely different page in regards to where I thought we stood.  


Your probably wondering where I'm going with this - I promise, I have a point! 


After going through many tissue boxes, eating gallons of ice cream, and listening to depressing breakup songs, I somehow got the strength to begin reading in order to take my mind off of the whole situation. One particular book that I read is called What To Do Until Love Finds You by Michelle Hammond. I must say, that book was a blessing during this time. Something that really just switched on the lightbulb above my head was when the writer said that the key to finding out if a guy is really "your" man is in being willing and able to completely let go. If the man doesn't come back, he isn't God's choice for you and if that's the case, breathe a sigh of relief and say, "Thank you, Lord" because you have just been saved from a world of trouble! 


Now, I've heard many people tell me something to that extent whenever I was depressed and heartbroken over a guy that dumped me, BUT for some reason, this time, it just really clicked that I should be thankful for the outcome. I know that sounds strange, but if you really think about it, would you want to spend more and more time getting to know this person and getting that much more emotionally attached and then it end, or worse yet, end in divorce? If that door was closed, God was protecting you from worse heartaches and it's better to find out earlier in the game so that you can be free to receive the person God has chosen for you. 


You must remember, God allowed this situation to bring about changes in you (I'm continuously reminding myself of this!). God doesn't waste anyone's time! It's also extremely important to not start holding in anger towards the guy/girl that left you, but rather, turn to God and ask Him what He wants to work out in you! 

"God, why are you punishing and teasing me by allowing such a great guy into my life and then suddenly saying, 'NOPE! You can't have it!'" 

That's the words of a girl who is angry with God for the way things are going in her life... those words came from me! 

Even though those words came out of my mouth just about a month ago, I'm not that girl anymore! You see, I'm beginning to realize that God is not out to punish me! He's trying to show me something! He's saying that I need this time of singleness because I have some serious spiritual surgery to go through. He is trying to show me that I need to learn to put my faith in Him. During this specific season in my life, God is pointing out old wounds and wrong ways of thinking that would affect my marriage one day. I didn't realize any of this until I stopped being angry with God and stopped thinking only about what I wanted.


A couple days ago, I woke up really early in the morning, and suddenly felt the need to get down on my knees and pray. As I was on the floor in my dark room, I began talking aloud to God. Suddenly, I began crying, not tears of sadness, but rather tears of overwhelming joy! At that very moment, all I could do was be so extremely thankful to God that He is allowing me this season in my life to grow and to see the unhealthy patterns that were occurring in all my past relationships with men. Now, if you know me, you would know that I never would have thought I would be writing a post on my blog about how thankful I am for being single at the age of 27! BUT it's true! I am beyond thankful that God is revealing Himself to me daily, that I am beginning to open my heart to Him in ways I never have before in my walk with Christ. I am truly beginning to surrender everything I held such a tight grip on and just fully trusting in Him! 


I don't know how many people have told me that I must surrender to Him and have faith in Him. I've heard it all my life! But it took a lot of painful relationships and bad choices to realize it! I'm there... I'm beginning to see how truly wonderful it is to just let it go to God! It's beyond wonderful, it brings such relief and overwhelming joy that is difficult for me to even describe in words! 


Remember the guy/girl that felt like he/she could hug every person that passes them by? Yeah! That's me! That's me today WITHOUT my relationship status going from 'single' to 'in a relationship'! I'm single and can't seem to stop smiling, can't seem to keep myself from wanting to break into song at random times! I never EVER thought I could feel this way without a guy in my life. The amazing thing about it is that this feeling goes beyond what I have ever felt when with a guy! This isn't just happiness, this is joy! An overwhelming joy that I can't seem to hold back! A joy that remains even on those days when I'm kind of bummed out that I'm not married or have a boyfriend. You guys, it's real! It's GOD! 


Trust in Him! Do not for a second think that you can't feel this way, whether single or married! You can definitely feel this way! The solution is simple... trust God with your life! Love Him with every thought, word, and action! Don't do these things in hopes that He will give you something in return. No! Love Him unconditionally like He loves us because ultimately, it's not at all about us, it's about Him! 

"If you're ready for an unforgettable earthly romance, start by discovering the joy of an intimate, daily romance with the King of kings."

That quote came from the book I'm currently reading called When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Guide To Guy/Girl Relationships by Eric & Leslie Ludy. I completely recommend this book!! 


Well, it's midnight and I'm wiped out. I will leave you bloggers with an amazing song that I think we should remind ourselves of daily. Please listen to it and carefully listen to the words. Goodnight lovelys! :)

Why The Rush

Good afternoon blogger world!


I have always been an avid fan of blogging, yet can't seem to ever keep up with it. Life has taken some rather sharp twists and turns and I figured a great way to document my challenges and growth is by blogging. 


As many of you know, I had a very sweet relationship with a guy that I will refer to as "DMB". DMB and I shared our life together for 4 years, and a couple months after our 4 year anniversary… well… it ended. Now, if you were to have told me about a year ago that I would no longer be dating this man, I would have laughed in your face. Reason being, I was really in love with DMB and was positive I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Looking back now, I see that I was settling. Nothing against him as a person, I just began to see how I was compromising bigger issues that were extremely important to me. Issues that would later resurface in our marriage. It took many challenges and hurdles to finally begin to see with another pair of eyes - the eyes of truth. I think somewhere along our relationship I knew that the things I was looking over were very important to me, BUT I was so extremely caught up in the ticking time clock that most of us call "biological clocks" that I failed to pay more attention to the things that really matter most to me in a future spouse. DMB had so very many special qualities that I wanted in a man that I just began to fixate my thoughts on those and compromise what was more important. 


I don't think it really began to hit me how important the qualities he was lacking were until I noticed how much we were fighting over them. Fight after fight about wanting him to be a certain way… a man that he is not. 


However, I didn't decide to write this specific post about my failed relationship. Instead, I wanted to write about the battles that women, specifically I, go through day in and day out regarding the pressures of having a specific relationship status. I never realized how much I find my significance and beauty through men until I ended things with DMB. So much so that I feel worthless and useless in this world without a man by my side. Everything about my demeanor when I'm with a guy - the extra pep in my step and the smile that simply cannot hide, are extinguished when I do not have a man in my life. Why can't I be that way without a man? Why is it that I let a man define who Celeste really is? It's a problem that not only I struggle with, but that thousands beyond thousands of girls can relate to. 

"Have you seen these lines? I am in a race against time here."

The quote above is from a movie I was watching yesterday as I was journaling. The movie is called The Perfect Man. It's a cute movie about a teenager, Holly Hamilton, who is tired of moving every single time her mom, Jean Hamilton, has another personal meltdown involving yet another second-rate guy. In order to distract her mom from the latest bad choices, Holly conceived a plan for the perfect man. Jean has devoted her entire life to caring for her children, but knows that eventually they will leave the nest and she will be alone, therefore becoming desperate to meet a great guy. The quote above was referring to Jean telling her daughter Holly about how the wrinkles on her face are multiplying with time and she needs to find a man pronto! 


As I heard that line, it only confirmed my thoughts as to why women are in such a rush to find a man, and not only is it about age, it's also about desperately needing to feel loved and have that affirmation constantly. Unfortunately, we get to the point of desperation and look in all the wrong places for that "perfect man". We put ourselves out there and try to take control of the situation, only to find ourselves in more heartache than before. Now, I type this not having it all figured out. I wish I could say that I don't fall into this trap anymore, but oh goodness, I am far from that! I find myself everyday trying to take charge and find that man of my dreams myself, BUT that's just it. We aren't suppose to try to take the lead in finding that man. In fact, we are to wait on God's perfect timing. 


Now that I enter singlehood, I find myself with a lot of extra free time. So, I figured what better way to put my time to good use than by reading some great books on waiting for God's timing and being content with being single. After raiding Barnes & Noble and probably buying the whole section of 'Waiting-On-Mr.-Right' books, I have found myself encouraged more and more each day! My latest read is called Lady In Waiting, such an amazing book and I suggest any single woman who is struggling with this season in life should read it! The writer of the book refers many times to the story of Ruth and how she did not go out looking for a man, but rather chose to follow God and trust Him with her future, whereas her sister Orpah chose logical sight for future direction. The first morning in Bethlehem, Ruth happened to stop in a field belonging to a gentleman by the name of Boaz. Boaz "just happened" to visit the very same field that day. Ruth's "eyes of faith" led her to the exact spot where she would meet her Mr. Right, Boaz. Her chance led her right into the center of God's will and right to Boaz's field. Their meeting was not an accident nor the product of female maneuvering. Instead, it was the work of a sovereign God. "Wow!" is all I can say to that! 


Why do we doubt that God will provide our future Mr. Right? I find myself doubting all the time, but a great constant reminder for me is this: if Jesus wants me married, He will orchestrate the encounter. You have NOTHING to fear except getting in the way and trying to "write the script" rather than following His! 


God is almighty and all powerful, we should have a childlike faith, even when it comes to things that seem impossible for God, because absolutely nothing is impossible for Him! He can even do such amazing things as bring you and your future spouse to that right place at that right time! I must say, that is such a huge encouragement for me! God has my Mr. Right out there and this season in my life right now should not be wasted on being all depressed about not being engaged or married already. Instead, I should use this time to completely surrender it ALL! Leave all those anxieties and fears at His feet and know that He does and WILL provide. It's all a matter of His perfect timing. Until then, I must find my significance through Christ. I am beginning to realize how I won't find completion through having a perfect career, a husband, children, etc. The only way I will find complete fulfillment is through Christ and nourishing that relationship. All else will fall into place when I can learn to completely let go and be content with where God has me in life. God is doing some amazing things in my life right now and it's amazing how real He feels to me, almost as if I could reach my hand out and touch His. I'm excited about where this life of mine is headed and how, even through something as small as blogging, I can begin to see the works of God and how He continues to mold me. 


I hope this encourages someone out there as much as it encouraged me yesterday. :)


Until next time...